You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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