What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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