So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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