i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
