I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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