Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
