apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
