You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
