Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
