i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
