I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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