god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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