I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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