16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
