I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
