I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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