all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
