What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
