he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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