haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
