The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
