Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
