Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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