textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
