i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she smelled like a LAN party
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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