i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
