my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
