i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
