uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
