I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
