so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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