The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
either way he was missing a nipple.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
