i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
