are you so shy because you have an std?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
