Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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