So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.