So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
