Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
