I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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