my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize