Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
