I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
