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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
