After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
