I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
