sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
