The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
