So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
