I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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