i just had sex bonerless
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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