I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
