carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
