Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
