I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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