Are we in a gay sports bar?
im holly from the hills drunk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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