Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
