ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
