I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
