3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I understand Curling. That high.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
