My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
