No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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