Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
