I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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