dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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