You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
