She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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