Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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