so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
