You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
