either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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