my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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