Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
